he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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