im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize