What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
