69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
