Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
