dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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