What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
