Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
