drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
