Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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