I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
