You smell like stripper and shame
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize