You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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