If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
