New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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