There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
