He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
