i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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