I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
