She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
