Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
