jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
