I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
