She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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