I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
