I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
