Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
