the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Success! We fucked roommates!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
