If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
