Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
