How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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