Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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