do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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