You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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