Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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