he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
