He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
