what day is it and did you see me today?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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