I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
