I want you more than these girls want KFC
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
