you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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