Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
