I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
