i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
