im drinking this country out of the recession.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
