the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
