You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
