Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
