I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
