a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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