We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize