Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
