We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
