Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
