Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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