i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
