haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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