she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
