I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
