It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
