I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
