HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Randomize
