That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize