He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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