Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Randomize
