I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
