I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
