Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
