we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
